Over the years, I have come to understand that I am a highly strategic person. The moment someone shares an idea, has a question, needs help solving a problem, my mind is already working out all of the plans of attack. What if we did this? We should start with that. If we moved X here and put Y there, we could get this thing done. You name the issue, and I've probably already lined out the plan of attack before you've even finished sharing the problem. The world needs strategists for sure, but what the world doesn't need is a know it all. To be honest, unchecked, I am a know it all. Fortunately for me and for anyone else like me, discussion protocols can really help to check those natural tendencies that can get in the way of shared conversation, meaning-making, and problem solving.
One protocol that I rely quite a bit on is the critical friend protocol. When I first joined New Tech High @ Coppell a little over three years ago, the protocol was already a well established process in the school. All new projects that a teacher wants to run are put through the protocol. The protocol relies on three very simple statements or stems: "I like," "I wonder," and "next steps." On its own, the power of this protocol lies in starting with the positive, framing criticism as a question, and framing suggestions as a natural outgrowth of the rest of the protocol.
What I have come to love about the process is that it has found its way into my everyday conversation and it also helps me when I am in feedback-giving situations. This past week, I was on a conference call to review an agenda for a program that I participate in. As we were getting to the part about feedback on the agenda, I found myself phrasing my feedback through the phrase "I wonder." I hadn't even realized I was doing it until one of the facilitators parroted it back by adding her own "wonder." I wonder is a lot better than "you should" or "this would be better" or any other phrase I might have used instead. Maybe an alternative is better that what someone initially proposes, maybe it isn't. What "I wonder" allows to happen is a dialogue about possibilities instead of putting someone on the defensive about something they were brave enough to share in the first place. I wonder how many times I've made a better decision because "I wonder."
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