Too Much Togetherness

Almost 13 years ago, my husband Mark and I got married. We were both teachers at the time, so after our wedding (the weekend after school got out) and our honeymoon, we came home to find ourselves living together for the first time and with LOTS of time together with nothing in particular to do. It was summer and we had about 2 months off. Although we both had big plans for getting our planning done for the next school year, we found that we had a lot of time at home with just each other. It didn't take long for us to really wear on each other. I was getting grumpy, he was getting grumpy, our two cats and one dog were getting grumpy. We had a four bedroom house (because we were planning on children in the near future) and we couldn't figure out how to get away from each other.

Luckily for us, we figured out a plan of how to be together but not always together. It was a comical, humbling experience, but I'm glad we loved each other enough to talk about it and figure it out.

Today, spending all this time in our house and neighborhood, it is hard not to see the parallels between our newlywed togetherness problem and what is doubtless happening in many homes right now. People are spending LOTS of time together with nothing in particular to do. People are getting grumpy and if they aren't getting grumpy yet, they will be. This could be a long time at home.

So, as I often do with learners when they come to my office, I'm going to warn you now: I'm always blunt and I give free bad advice that you can choose to follow or not.

Batik's advice for riding out togetherness:

1. Just because you are together, doesn't mean you have to be together. Maybe you have to share a room. Set boundaries on conversation, activities you'll do together, etc.
2. Be really intentional about what you are going to do together. Our family takes walks, draws, builds puzzles, goes for runs, plays card games, etc. Being really intentional means that when we are done with an activity, we don't necessarily have to be together.
3. Know when to say "I'm grumpy" and call a time out. Not every problem has to be solved right away and not every problem has to even be solved. Sometimes take a break. Change your perspective. Maybe literally change your perspective. Go to another room.